Falling in love

We often hear people say that they are falling in love with someone. They say that they have feeling for that person and they can’t help but to care for the person, follow him/her wherever he/she goes. Without that person the day is gloomy, with him the rainbow is out.

But, is the idea of falling in love right?

I mean, is love a kind of falling?

To fall is a passive, involuntary and uncontrolled event. It happened out of a sudden, spontaneously. It is an un-intentional event. And usually, falling causes pain, terrible result. To fall hence is more an unwanted event than desired happening.

What does that implies when we describe romance as falling in love?

First, then falling in love implies that being in love is a passive, involuntary and uncontrolled event. It happened out of a sudden and spontaneously. We have no time to react to it. We do not want it. Usually it end up with pain (break up), because somehow we fall for another person. We may tell the ex-to-be that, I don’t want it, but I can’t help it either, it just happened, I just fall for him/her, so we have to break up.

Consequently, we will not take initiative; we can’t, since it is uncontrolled event. We cannot resist. And then, when those pain come, we take no responsibility. How can we be held responsible for an involuntary, spontaneous, un-intentional and unwanted event?

Is that love? Is that what true love is?

Love is a verb. It is suppose to be active, voluntary, and controlled event. One is supposed to be able to choose who to and not to love. It should be intentional. He wills to love, he chooses to love, he wants to love, and therefore he loves. He wants to be responsible to and for her life. That means, to love someone is a choice, a decision, a commitment. Affection may be part of the elements, but it is not the deciding factor. One can still choose to love another, to determine to care for another person without feeling, even in spite of feeling (bad feeling).

Reflections:
1.  Is a relationship as important as love or romance or marriage (!) consistent with the idea of falling?
2.  How do you define love? How this definition is affecting your relationship and how you view relationship? 

Cool friend… aye?

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. 

Proverbs 13:20

“Although he smokes, he always treats me with respect.”

“Yeah, they go to bar, they take weeds, they like to drink and get drunk, but they never force me to do any of that, but never force me to do so. So they are not really bad, right?”

We always think of friends this way: as long as they allow me to do what I want to do, it is alright for me to hang out with them, even if they engage in bad habits like smoking or drinking, skipping class, etc.

As long as I can still be myself, ain’t do me any harm, can it?

Really?

That’s a man in the bible, name Lot. Bible says that he is godly man, he fears God. Although he lives in an ungodly city, a sinful city, a city that would demand him to take out the man, who by chance comes to his house as guest, to let them sexually abuse him (they are all man! Of various age groups!), he never agrees and engages in their activities.

But do you know he did? When they demand of that guest for their lustful pleasure, he proposed to them his two virgin daughters. How would you feel if you are one of the two young ladies?

Later on, God decided to destroy the city for good because of their wickedness. Lot reluctant to leaves, he was too used to the city; there lies his family, his properties, how could he just leaves everything behind and go to another city empty handed? But God delivered him by force, his wife turned salt pillar for looking back at the city. His two daughters, when taking refuge in a cave with their old man, decided to make him drunk and sleep with him and get pregnant from him.

Crazy huh? But hey, don’t you see what friends can do to you?

Though these people were good to Lot, they allow him to live in the city, to have properties, to allow their children to marry with him, even though he was sojourner among them, but ultimately what they cause him? On the surface level, his physically properties. More than that, they actually influence him to compromise to do what is right, what really pleases God. Although he cared for their souls, he prayed for them, he mourned for their wickedness, (2 Peter 2:6-8)  but he still lives among them, for their lands is well for his flocks, his business, his material success.

Reflections:

1. How do you choose friends? Are those tag line sounds familiar to you?
2. Can you recall or heard or encounter someone who live a godly life, become a successful person to the society and the world by constant dwelling among bad companions?
3. Can you think of a person whose life was ruined or influenced toward negative direction by bad friends?
4. What are the real reasons you choose friends like these? Is it because you want to influence them, so that their life can be changed for better, or for your own selfishness, because you are ‘respected, honored’ among them? 

Notes: the story of Lot is recorded in the book of Genesis, chapter 13, 19, in the bible.